Echo

I can't breathe underwater like I used to.
Today, it's a play between structure and freedom,
a thickening of the atmosphere between us...it touches souls. 



Each movement of time
that passes with blinding speed
causes me to beg you to slow.
Please, be like molasses, only inching
through to tomorrows. 
Echoes of time, I welcome you.
Only to beg you, 
    move slow.

Relax

In the morning go, dream still.
Hurry! Touch, wrap, roll, kiss, create.
Carry yourself into what you will
                                                become.

What it's like to Be

Resting in the desert light of New Mexico,
dancing in all my childish wisdom. 
   Secretly falling in love with Peter Pan. 
     What it's like to Be.

A small child, who
listens to every word you say.

What its like to Be
witness to your seasons,

to play in the soft grass and to drink in the salty air.

What it's like to Be
    all together in motion. 

This way and That way

Sometimes I feel
my heart wishes to explode
like a firework
to encapsulate
the way you make me feel.
To share
To express
the totality of fire,
of power
it has touched so many
things
     in
      me.


As they are.

These days, I..

Come upon the edge.
I find the line only to cross it.
Make room for room,
Fortify myself.
And I rest in the lustful silence.
And I hold it humbly, just for a moment; before I let go.

The red pen

And I finally found the reason why the only answer 
I have for you is, "I don't know."


Maneuvering the levels, the uneven bars;
I always seem to, though I never mean to
              share words that are not spoken enough.


It's all beautifully written in the margins of our story.

"A therapist can be considered a lover of music, eager to hear the themes and variations of a client's story-music over and over and over again. A therapist is also a nostalgia buff, never tiring of hearing about the good old days, and the bad old days (Storr, 1990). The business of therapy is not a scientific enterprise. It is an art demanding the therapist be congruent and never adopt the concept of the client as an object to be manipulated, diagnosed, and dissected. Therapy is more like a greenhouse where the growth of the client and therapist alike occurs as a result of trust, empathy, understanding, and unconditional positive regard."

Nostalgia

I just recently returned from a ten day Vipassana meditation retreat where I practiced an average of 12 hrs a day in noble silence. Verbal communication is something that have always found extremely important because I have noticed that all of the healthiest people in my life communicate authentically- and all of the most miserable people in my life seemed to internalize and shelter their true emotions, causing them intense suffering. Through my coursework I have seen that psychological health and well being comes from acceptance of the authentic self, both internally and in relationship. 




What does talking have to do with silence? I'll get there I promise. I found that experiencing mental silence (coupled with the teaching of Vipassana) is a path through which one can begin to experience authentic emotions. It was shocking to me how deep our emotional responses go- and at times, when reacting we may not even be aware what we are communicating to ourselves and others. 

While I was on retreat I naturally missed a lot of things. I missed verbal connection with my family, I missed music (surprised?) and I missed touch. This made me think a lot about nostalgia.


What causes us to feel connected to something? Why is an old picture at a thrift store in Portland making me fall on the floor laughing? Its because we create stories and connections in verbal and nonverbal interaction with ourselves and others.


Our attachments both personal and generational says a lot about what we are connecting to or with. At this time in my life I notice that my friends and I have grown increasingly (and at an alarming speed) close to technology. Many people I talk to about this highlight the problems it causes behaviorally, but I want to talk about some goodness I see in it. We are now provided with a channel to connect with one another from anywhere in the world.


I skype with my best friend in Thailand.
I just talked music with a dear pal in Madrid. 
That is something I am incredibly grateful for in my life. 

The ability to travel the world and stay connected to those you wish to share your life with is a freedom I am just beginning to taste. 


Specifically, the introduction of Timeline on facebook has been of interest to me. While scoping it out with friends I noticed how nostalgic this layout is. Not only are you able to give attention to major, meaningful life events, you are able to go back to any point in your life and see what you may have been up to. For those of us who have been on facebook for over 6 years, thats a whole lot of personal data. I felt extremely nostalgic glancing through some of my old memories that facebook has preserved.


I want to end by saying that there is an incredible amount of beauty in the present moment, so revel in it, taking juuuust enough time to preserve some of the nostalgia you wish to indulge in later in life. 

I am trying to find the line,
to cross it.


Let it go. 
Make room for room.

Re-installation of Hope

 How do you expect me to know, how deep is too deep?


Maybe I'll just go down to the riverside while you stay.
Maybe I'll revel in the song outside my window, while you stay.
Or perhaps, I'll sit in the resonant silence of myself,

             smiling into every cell of my being
             while you stay still.